To Be a Lover
by demonprincess7
Summary: Buffy is plagued by nightmares of Angel suffering in Hell. Between the nightmares and getting caught up in her classes, it's night after sleepless night for Buffy. That's a really terrible summary but it's hard to say much without spoilers. Part 2 of my Fatal Charm series. Set the week after Lover's Feud. You should probably read that first but you do what you wanna do friend.
1. The Right Way

**Angel Investigations One Month Earlier:**

She looked so beautiful. Sleeping deeply, peacefully, in Angel's bed. There was only a thin sheet between his gaze and her soft naked body. Her hair was messy where it had dragged across the pillow, where his fingers had tangled in it. He was disappointed by the lack of bruising on her hips and throat. If only he'd been the one steering.

He considered killing her right there. Leaving her there for Cordelia to find. Laying in Angel's bed, wrapped up in his sheet, covered in her own blood. Wouldn't Cordy be so jealous?

No, he wanted to play with her first. Last time he'd been free, he'd been to frustrated to fully enjoy it. He'd been angry, careless, insane. Even Drusilla has seen it. Even she had been afraid of him. Not she would deny her daddy anything. Not that she would ever think poorly of him. His precious childe.

He couldn't let Buffy leave knowing what she'd done of course. That was what the flower was for. The tiny pink flower he twirled between his fingers. It would do the job.

Thankfully, the girl recognized his scent, his touch. She didn't wake up as he slid her clothes into place. The spell would have to work just right. The thing she would be able to remember was the fight she had with Angel. Punches had been throw and, if was careful, the last thing she would remember was Angel's fist connecting with the side of her head. It hadn't really knocked her out, but she wouldn't know the difference.

Angelus spoke the words he needed before he put the flower under her pillow. He'd slip it into his pocket before she found it, but first he would fall asleep on the couch. She would think she slipped out before Angel woke up avoiding another fight and she'd go home with a doubt that the vampire she loved was missing his soul.

* * *

><p>The nightmares were getting worse. Every night they were there. Buffy hadn't slept in several days. She was too afraid that when she closed her eyes Angel would be there again, burning, screaming, calling her name. She was tired was waking up shaking and covered in sweat. She was tired of sitting up all night watching late night tv in an attempt to keep her eyes open. She was tired of crying and tired of being tired.<p>

So she did what any slayer would do, she went to her Watcher. She'd told him about the dreams, but she hadn't yet told him the full extent of the problem clinging to the hope that the nightmares would pass when she accepted that Angel was gone. The longer they went on, the more she was convinced this wasn't psychological but supernatural.

She found herself on Giles's couch staring into the cup of tea he placed in her hands. She stared into the depths of the brown liquid as though expecting it to reveal the answers she was looking for. It didn't. It was nothing more than a cup of tea.

"These dreams you're having," Giles said from his place beside her. "do you recognize your surroundings or is this a foreign place?"

"I've never been there before," Buffy said. "But the scene... it's always changing. Sometimes it's an open space, sometimes it's confined like a cage. Sometimes me and Angel, we're not alone. There's others there but I can't see their faces. Almost like they're shrouded in this black fog."

"Hmm." Giles thought. "That doesn't sound like a message, Buffy. If you can't see the place where Angel is, if it keeps changing, I don't believe he could be communicating with you."

"I know it's him! These dreams aren't just dreams, Giles. Angel is trapped in hell and he's calling out to me-"

"Does that sound like Angel to you? Do you truly think that Angel would torment you like this? That he would send you images of him being tortured night after night?"

"I don't know! Maybe..."

"Angel knows that when you die you are punished for your sins. He believes that he deserves hell. He wouldn't try to escape. Especially if it meant hurting you."

Buffy felt her eyes tear up. "What else could it be? If it's not Angel, what is it? Why do I keep dreaming about him?"

"I don't know, but if there's a supernatural force causing this we will find out and we will stop it," he assured her. "Try to get some rest in the mean time. I'll keep searching through my books. Maybe there's some sort of demon who could be projecting these images into your head."

Buffy nodded. She left Giles to his books and made her way back to her dorm. Willow was out when Buffy got there, but she'd left her notes on several classes for Buffy to read. Buffy sat down and looked over the list Willow had made for her on everything she'd missed. She sighed. College was looking to be more work than vampire slaying had ever been. So, she got to work.

* * *

><p>She flipped the first book open and started reading. She used Willow's notes to make sure she understood the boring textbook language. One hour later, and she hadn't even begun to make a dent in Willow's list. In fact, she was still on item number one. Being the slayer meant Buffy wasn't used to giving up, but she sure wanted to. With a sigh, she turned a page in the textbook and kept reading.<p>

Willow left Tara and made her way back to her own dorm. "Hey, Buffy," she said cheerfully as she found her friend hard at work.

"Hi," Buffy said. She groaned and rubbed her eyes. She checked the clock beside her. "I've been at it for five hours and look at this," she held up the list for Willow to see. "Not even half way done! My headache has a headache."

Willow gave her a sympathetic look. "Have you eaten lunch?"

"Ooh, lunch break! Even college students get those," Buffy said a bit more cheerfully.

"I was just about to go down to the cafeteria if you wanna come," Willow offered.

"No I think I'd rather sit here and read until my brain melts out of my ears. Of course I want to." Buffy all but leaped off of the bed and hurried out of the room with Willow in tow.

The cafeteria was near empty. They went down the line and grabbed a table without pause. The hum of background conversation was low and barely noticeable.

"So what did you do today?" Buffy asked picking at her mashed potatoes.

Willow shrugged. "Me and Tara just hung out. Watched a movie. Turns out she likes the old black and white ones as much as I do."

"Sounds romantic," Buffy said with slight envy and a smile.

Willow tried to play it off with a shrug but she couldn't hold back the smile. "It kinda was. We snuggled up and got cozy."

Buffy's grin winded. "So are you too... you know, official?"

"We talked about it. The dating and all that. We both wanna take it slow, but yeah. Tara is... Tara's my girlfriend." She blushed a bit and hid behind a spoonful of potatoes.

"That's really great, Willow. I'm happy for you guys."

"So have you heard from Xander?" Willow not so subtly changed the subject.

Buffy shook her head. "Not for a few days. He's probably still recovering"

Willow snorted. "Oh he's recovering all right. He called me this morning and I got to hear all about how much Anya likes the idea of Xander saving the world."

Buffy wrinkled her nose. "Not a conversation I would like to be having."

"Are ya sure? 'Cause Xander seems pretty keen to have everybody in Sunnydale hear the story."

"No thank you," Buffy said. "That is imagery I do _not_ need swimming around in my brain."

"Too bad for my brain, it's a bit to late." The talking stopped while they ate and set their dirty trays on the rack. They left the cafeteria and headed walked back to their dorm.

"So are you going out patrolling tonight?" Willow asked.

"I don't know. I really need that work done if I don't want to flunk out of all my classes, but somebody has to stop the evil undead from terrorizing the innocent."

"Well me and Xander could do it. Just for tonight while you get your study on."

"Thanks. Just be careful." Buffy gave her an appreciative smile.

"It's no problem. You just get caught up. Don't overwork yourself though. You could use some rest."

Willow called Xander and they agreed to meet up a few blocks away from the cemetery. She left a short while before sunset. Buffy was left to her work and Willow left the school campus with a stake hidden under her thick wool sweater.

Twenty minutes later, she met Xander at the predetermined place of meeting. Anya clung to his arm and Willow wondered if she could have pried her off with a crowbar.

"Xander's a pretty great monster fighter you know," she informed Willow. "He kicks monster ass and send them right to... where do monsters go when they die?" She looked up at Xander.

He shrugged. "Monster hell?"

"Right to hell." she nodded.

"Right," Willow said with a glance at Xander. His grin was like a beam of sunlight. "Let's just get moving."

She started the short walk to the cemetery. Xander and Anya followed behind. Anya prattled on about demons and Xander's incredible manliness the whole walk. By the time they reached the cemetery, Willow had had enough.

"Anya!" She snapped whirling around. "Do you want every vampire in the neighborhood to know we're out here?"

"I thought that was the point. So we can find them and kill them," Anya said.

"We won't get to kill them with you making all that noise."

Anya opened her mouth to argue but Xander stopped her. "An, she has a point."

"What do you mean?" She looked at him with genuine confusion.

"If the vampires here us coming either A: they ambush us or B: they run the other way thinking we're with Buffy," he explained.

"I thought you liked it when I talk. I you told me so quiet explicitly last night when we were-"

"Anya! Certain conversations are to remain private."

"Why? Willow knows we have sex. It's not a secret."

"We'll talk about this later. Now we need to make with the quiet."

"Fine," Anya grumbled.

Thankfully, the nearest vampires hadn't yet climbed out of this graves and so did not here the gang coming. They came across the first pretty quickly. If Willow hadn't been examining the grave already, they might not have noticed the dirt shifting around as the vampire dug his way to the surface.

The moment his chest rose up out of the ground, Willow plunged her stake right into his chest.

"Well that was boring," Anya complained. "Isn't there supposed to be fighting? You said there would be fighting."

"We want to avoid the fighting if at all possible," Xander said.

"But why?" she pouted.

"To avoid unnecessary trips to the hospital."

The second vampire they came across, was still shaking off the grave dirt when they found him.

"What should we do?" Willow whispered.

"I've got an idea. Hey!" he shouted.

The vampire spun around and barreled at them. Willow and Xander dove out of the way and smacked right into Anya taking them both to the ground. She screamed and tried to squirm away. Xander jumped to his feet and staked him before he could take a bite out of his girl friend.

He offered Anya his hand and pulled her up. "You okay?"

"Fine." She dusted off her clothing.

"Hey?" Willow asked.

Xander shrugged. "Got his attention."

The rest of the night was vampire free and eventually the all parted ways and headed home.

* * *

><p>One thing left on the list. An essay not due for another three days. Buffy knew Willow wouldn't approve, but after all the hard work she'd done Buffy felt that she had earned herself a nice long break. She grabbed her jacket off her desk chair and left the dorm.<p>

The air outside was chilly, but not unpleasant. The campus was quiet as most students were inside partying, sleeping, or otherwise enjoying the weekend. Buffy followed the sidewalk, intending to find herself a nice bench to relax on and enjoy the night air. There was a bench under a street lamp next to the side walk and she decided it was as good a place as any. She sat and after a moment, leaned her head back and closed her eyes.

Someone stepped out from under the trees and onto the damp grass. Buffy kept her body relaxed, preparing to catch them off guard as they came closer. Then the wind blew and Buffy could smell a familiar combination of leather, cigarettes, and hair gel. She relaxed and she hated herself for it. Spike sat down on the bench beside her.

"You know," Spike said. "A view like that could give a vampire a lot of ideas." He liked his lips eyeing her neck.

"Go away," she snapped.

He admired the way her throat moved. "Is this your new slaying tactic? Lure the vampires of the woods with that bare lovely throat?"

"If it were, you would be dust already."

"Is that so?" His hand landed very lightly on her knee and she jumped right off the bench.

"What the hell are you doing?" The furry in her eyes melted by the heat in his.

"You're the one who lured me over here," he said calmly.

"I didn't _lure_ you!"

"You did so." Humor sparkled in his eyes. "You all but all called my name with your neck all exposed and your hair flowing in the breeze."

She rolled her eyes. "What are you even doing out here?"

"Enjoying the the weather," his eyes ran down her body and back up. "and the view."

"Ugh, you're a pig Spike." She turned on her heel to march away in disgust, but he leaped off the bench and grabbed her arm. He spun her around to face him.

"I came to talk to you," he said gently hoping not to anger her further.

She sighed. "About what?"

Lightening moved slower than Spike in that moment as he surged forward to claim her lips. For the count of a single heart beat, she was frozen. She recovered and grabbed onto his shoulders more holding him at arms' length than pushing him away.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Kissing you." He tried not smirk and failed, enjoying his own humor.

"Thought you wanted to talk?"

"Can I help it if you're so," he lifted his hand and ran the back of his knuckle down the soft skin of her throat. "tempting?"

She shoved his hand away. "Yes! You can't just hang out behind my dorm waiting for me to come outside and then attack me like that."

"Attack you or kiss you?" His seductive gaze fell on her parted lips.

"Both. Neither. Whatever! You know what I mean."

"You didn't seem to have a problem with it the other night when you had your tongue down my throat."

"I was thinking about Angel!"

That right there was like an explosion inside the vampire's head. His eyes burned with rage and he pulled away from her grasp.

"Listen, Slayer," he growled. "You kissed me. _Me._ Not Angel. I didn't twist your arm, I didn't force you. You did it because you wanted to. I comforted you and I told you the truth. I didn't ask you for anything. I was there because I wanted to help you, because I couldn't just stand there and watch you cry. If you want to act all high and mighty and pretend it never happened, fine. I'm not your replacement, pet. I'm my own man and when the time comes, you won't kiss me because you're upset about soul boy. You'll kiss me because you want me."

She stood there in shock as he breezed past her and disappeared into the dark trees.


	2. Waking Nightmare

Everything is on fire. The walls, the floor, the ceiling. Her clothes, her skin, her hair. Only, it's not her clothes. Or her even her body. This is someone else. Someone else is burning and she's stuck inside their body. Trapped along with this victim inside of their body as they burn and the room burns. She wonders why they aren't screaming or running. It takes her a moment, but she remembers how to move. She tries to move her arms, but they're stuck. Chained to the ceiling and it isn't burning fast enough for her to break free.

There's something in her mouth. It presses her tongue flat and holds her lips open. It tastes terrible, like sulfur. She would puke if her intestines hadn't burned away.

She twists around in her chains. There's a mirror on the wall. It's just the right size and shape that she almost mistakes it for a sort of door before she remembers there's no way out. There's only fire here and the helplessness of being unable to fight.

It's not her in the mirror. Why would it be? This isn't her body.

Dark hair, dark eyes, broad shoulders. His eyes are wide and his mouth is stretched obscenely around a gag of yellow.

* * *

><p>There was no air in her lungs when she woke up. It had squeezed its way out of her as she screamed. She felt like she was still burning. Her skin was hot and she swore she could smell sulfur in her hair.<p>

"Buffy? Are you okay?" Willow asked.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up," Buffy apologized feeling guilty for keeping her friend from sleep after she'd spent the night slaying vampires in her place.

Willow smiled sympathetically. "It's okay. I've heard screaming is involuntary. Do you wanna talk about it?"

Buffy shook her head. "No, that's okay. Just go back to sleep."

Willow stretched and climbed out of bed. "Actually, it's about time to get up anyway. Are you coming to class today?"

Buffy groaned. "Guess I didn't do all that make-up work for nothing."

Willow smiled. "There's the girl scout spirit."

Willow went to the window and pulled the curtain open to let in the sun. Buffy glared at the light like it was somehow involved in her nightmare dilemma.

Willow grabbed her clothes and tooth brush and Buffy followed suit. They got ready in the shared dorm bathroom along with the six other girls on their hall. They all did their best to stay out of each other's way as showers were had and make-up was applied. Buffy settled for throwing on her clothes and scrapping her hair up into a pony tail before she went back to her room to grab her bag.

The girls walked together to their first class after a quickly swallowed breakfast of almost stale cereal. Willow was excited for Buffy to be back and she chatted about all the things Buffy had missed and spent the night cramming into her brain. Most of it Buffy didn't remember though it sounded familiar.

They grabbed a seat in the middle of the lecture hall and took out their notebooks. Buffy was determined to get caught up before teachers started removing her from her their rosters.

The short weaselly man who called himself their biology professor entered the room. He hadn't even set his bag down before he began his lecture. Before Buffy could take down the first point, the pencil slid from her hand and rolled into her lap as her body went limp and her eyes slid shut.

Willow noticed Buffy's slack form and nudged her friend. "Buffy," she whispered. "_Buffy_."

A few students behind them noticed as Buffy fell over in her seat and refused to wake up as her friend shook her.

"Is she okay?" a girl behind the whispered.

"I think she's just tired," Willow said.

"I don't know, man. She's out cold," said the guy beside the girl behind Willow.

"Maybe we should get a nurse," said the girl.

"Is there a problem up there?" asked the professor.

Buffy was shaking and sweating buckets. Willow was starting to panic. "Uh, it's Buffy. She passed out and now she's shaking and I don't think she's doing very well."

The professor seemed to think he knew what was happening as he went to the phone hanging on the wall and called a nurse to their room. Willow kept Buffy from dropping onto the floor as they waited.

Eventually, a pair of nurses arrived and helped Willow maneuver Buffy into a wheelchair. They rushed her down to the nurses station which had seen everything from impressively high blood alcohol levels to a pencil jammed up the nose of a freshman who should have paid more attention in his two o'clock physics class.

They asked Willow to wait in the lobby while they took Buffy into a room. They got her up on a table and checked her vitals. Her heart rate nearly gave the nurses heart attacks of their own as they could hardly imagine someone surviving such a condition, but before they could call in an ambulance, her heart slowed to a safer rate causing the nurses to question their eye sight.

An hour later, Buffy woke with no memory of where she was or how she'd gotten there. She was tired and cold and very happy to see Willow sitting the chair beside her.

"How are you feeling?" Willow said.

"Where are we?" Her throat was dry and her voice cracked as she spoke.

"Nurse's office. You fainted in class and you were shaking and wouldn't wake up. You've only been out an hour. One of the nurses keeps trying to put an IV in your arm, but they don't actually know what's wrong with you so there's been some arguing."

"I wish someone knew what's wrong with me."

Willow nodded. "Their best guess is dehydration, but they said you wouldn't able to sweat like that if you were. I am supposed to make you drink something before you leave though. Got a Gatorade."

She handed Buffy the bottle of blue liquid. "So what happened?"

Buffy took a sip before she tried talking again. "I don't really know. I was fine. Tired, but totally fine and then it was like... like the room melted away and I was somewhere else. It was really dark, but I felt like I was on fire."

Willow's eyes were wide as they locked on to Buffy's wrist. "That wasn't there when we brought you back here."

Buffy looked down at her wrist. It was red and the skin looked like it been torn open and then burned shut. As if she'd been chained up with burning shackles.

* * *

><p>"I was there, Giles! I was actually physically there. Look at my wrists!" Buffy was near hysterical as she paced through Giles's apartment. The man wasn't doing much better since he'd seen his slayer's wrists.<p>

"I've been through every volume. There are demons who can induce nightmares but they have to be physically present as in literally sitting right on top of you. Most them cause the victim to become dangerously ill. I don't believe this is a conscious being doing this to you." Giles tried to rationalize and sort through his thoughts. He's been trained for this. He wouldn't allow his emotions to get the better of him. He could figure this out.

Buffy collapsed onto the couch. "I'm so tired, Giles."

"You must try to remain wake for the time being. It isn't safe for you to go back there. Wherever 'there' is. No, you have to stay conscious until we've sorted this out."

"I don't think I can, not for much longer."

"Find something to occupy yourself. I'll start looking... everywhere."

He picked up the phone and called Xander. In no time at all he arrived with a less than enthusiastic Anya in tow.

Anya quickly decided that helping Buffy stay awake was a lot more fun than reading.

"Have you tried caffeine?" she asked. "It's pretty great at keeping me up. Me and Xander get these fruity energy drinks when we wanna..." Xander gave her a 'we talked about this' look. "Well, when we wanna stay up late. Or you could watch a horror movie. Those are really good at keeping Xander up. Last month we watched _Hollow Man_. He didn't sleep for two days."

"_Anya_," Xander complained.

"What? I'm trying to help your friend from being dragged into dream hell." She turned back to Buffy with her helpful advice. "Maybe you could try exercising. I hear that can really perk you up, but it just seems exhausting to me. Being the slayer it might work for you."

"Yeah," Buffy said grabbing her coat. "I think I'll go for a walk."

"Great! See Xander, I told you I could help," Anya said proudly.

"Wonderful. Maybe now you can help me and Giles find the actual problem." He handed her a big leather bound book. She gave him a dirty look, but she opened it and started skimming.

Buffy felt dead on her feet, but she pushed herself forward as she left Giles's and started down the sidewalk. The cool air helped even as it chilled her bones. She shivered a bit and rubbed her arms.

Her thoughts kept going back her dream hell. The fire, the chains, the screaming. It was all so real. It _was_ real and Angel was there right that minute. Because she put him there. Because she went to LA when she could have just called.

The wind blew a plastic bottle across the street and she nearly jumped out of her skin. She took a deep breath before she started walking again. If her nightmares didn't drive her insane, she'd be impressed. If they didn't kill her that was. She examined the burns on her wrists. She wondered what sort of marks she'd wake up with the next time.

Her skin crawled and she imagined someone following her. She didn't hear anyone and when she turned her head there was no one there, but she had the feeling she wasn't entirely alone. It was far from a comforting feeling.

Her paranoia was hitting a panic inducing high. Her throat felt tight and she started running before she even thought about it.

The cemetery gate loomed up ahead. The idea of Spike's crypt promised sanctuary and tore through the head stones and right up to the door. She gave a last glance over her shoulder before she pushed the heavy door open.

The main chamber was empty, but there was light flickering up from the lower floor. She crossed the dirt covered floor and dropped down to the lower level.

"Spike?" she called.

There was no response. As she walked into the bedroom, she found Spike laying in his bed, ankles crossed, arms propping his head up, staring at the wall. He'd redecorated. He still had the same old canopy bed sitting in the center of the room, but the bedding was a light cream instead of burgundy. There were more candles on the tables. There was a simple dark wood dresser in place of the ornate wardrobe.

"Spike?" she said again as she looked from where he stared at the wall back to his face.

"I didn't expect to see you again," he said still seemingly entranced by the wall. "Not so soon anyway."

"Yeah, well. I was planning on ignoring you for a while, but... things are really bad right now. I didn't want to be alone. I didn't know who else to go to," she said quietly, rubbing her wrists.

She didn't notice when he finally looked at her, too concerned with her damaged skin. "What happened?"

"I don't know. I woke up like this."

His eyes widened a fraction before quickly returning his face to its usual masked state. "What did you dream about?"

"None of your business, Spike."

He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. "Was it hell? Did you dream you were on fire?"

"How did you..."

Spike reached behind him and pulled his shirt off. He stood up so Buffy could see his back. There were long deep cuts criss-crossing his back like he'd been whipped. The skin around them had been burned to heal the cut closed.

Buffy couldn't stop herself from stepping forward and lightly touching his shoulder. "Does it hurt?"

"Not as much as you'd think. It aches a bit, but it feels old. Not like it happened this morning."

"Like it's old. Almost healed."

He turned around and caught her hand. "Yeah." He looked her wrist over.

"I passed out in class. Woke in the nurses office with those marks on me. Willow says they weren't there when they carried me down."

He didn't say anything, just stared at her marred wrist.

"What's happening to us?"

Spike didn't miss the fear in her voice. He rubbed her wrist with his thumb. His other hand came up to rest against her cheek. "We'll find out and we'll put a stop to it. I promise, slayer."

Buffy closed her eyes and let him soothe her. "You don't have to be alone through this."

He sat on the bed and laid back offering a hand to her. She looked at him tentatively. "Just rest with me. When this last time you got a good night's sleep?"

Hesitantly, she sat down beside him and pulled her down to lay her head on his chest. His closed his eyes and held her close breathing in the sweet scent of Buffy. His chest rumbled with a soft purr and slowly she was lulled to sleep.


	3. The Dream Thing

Xander stuffed his feet into his work boots. He rolled his eyes as Anya ranted about the same thing she said every morning.

"You're always working," she complained. "You never spend any time with me any more." She pouted her lips._ When did she learn how to do that?_, Xander thought.

He sighed. "Ahn, you like money right?" Xander said.

"Yes of course. Money is the very basis of human existence. Without money we'd be out on the street living like bums."

"You remember you have your own apartment right?"

"Yes, but you're not in it. You prefer to stay here in this musty old basement."

He stood up and set a hand on her shoulder. "Right, well. I have to go to work to make money so I can afford this musty old basement so my parents don't toss me out. Also, I get paid this week. I was thinking we could go out. Some place nice."

"You mean somewhere that doesn't like smell like feet and serve food covered in cold grease?"

"Exactly."

Anya smiled. "Well then... get to it! Your job isn't gonna do itself."

"That's my girl." He gave her a quick kiss. "I'll see you tonight."

* * *

><p>There it was. Right in front of him. So obvious he never would have thought of it. Not if he hadn't been reminded that astronomical occurrences were often tied to the supernatural as he skimmed through a book about fae creatures in the American pacific. A planetary alignment involving Pluto could have caused a significant disruption in the dimensions. He just needed to know if there had been an alignment the night Buffy spent in LA to confirm his theory. Sadly, they don't publish books on astronomical history that recent.<p>

Jenny would have known. She always kept track of that sort of thing. She always knew what was happening in the sky. But he didn't have Jenny anymore.

Luckily, he caught Willow early before she slipped out to class. She promised to get the information he needed and to bring to him right after her last class. He thanked her and made himself comfortable on the couch. A short nap as a reward for his hard work. He'd have answers for his slayer soon and that was just what a watcher was meant to do.

The light rapping on the door was enough to wake him six hours later. He yawned and rubbed his tired eyes. Glasses back in place, he opened the door.

Willow and Tara greeted him with small smiles before he let them inside. He didn't think he'd seen Willow without Tara in a long while. The two of them had grown awfully close in such a sort time. He wondered if Buffy noticed. Girls seemed to get jealous about that sort of thing.

Willow handed him several papers she'd printed out for him. He skimmed through the record which had everything from red dwarf formations to meteor collisions. Some people obsessed over space as much as he obsessed over mythology. The day after Thanksgiving was listed. An alignment of Earth, its moon, and Pluto. Just as he'd thought.

"Thank you, Willow. This is very helpful." He offered her a smile.

"So, do you know what's happening to Buffy then?" she asked hopefully.

"Almost. I've got one last thing to check and then I can be certain of everything. In an hour or so I'll have all the facts."

"Great! I don't think she's slept in a week. I'm really worried."

"So am I, but we'll having her sleeping again in no time," he bent over his desk and got to work reading through another book. "I think."

"Well, me and Tara have homework. I'll be at her dorm if you need me. Just call."

The girls slipped out while Giles searched for answers in his dusty old tome.

* * *

><p>When Buffy woke up, the first thing she noticed was how warm she was. She was comfortable and well rested and not a single nightmare had hit her. At least none that she remembered though there was certainly that bad taste in her mouth she'd come to associate with her nightmares. Warm and well rested, she smiled as she opened her eyes. Panic hit when she recognized her surroundings in the dying candle light.<p>

Stone walls, canopy bed, light colored sheets. She wasn't alone. A strong arm laid across her waist and a firm chest rested against her back. Not a breathing chest either. She really didn't want to think about it. Didn't want to think his name. She just wanted to be comfortable. But she couldn't stop thinking.

The smells she associated with 'him' weren't present. No leather and cigarettes. Maybe he didn't smoke down stairs. Or maybe it took longer for the sheets to absorb the scent. Or maybe he was just quick about doing his laundry. She didn't really know. It smelt musty, like a basement. There was another smell, in the sheets more than in the air. It was faint and not unpleasant, but she didn't have a name for it. She realized it was familiar, that it had always been present under the leather and the cigarettes. It was just Spike.

His name didn't make her want to bolt like it used to. It didn't set off her fight or flight mode like it did before. Only months before. She was still calm, still comfortable, and that freaked her out more than a little bit. When had she let Spike inside her head?

He moved behind her, slowly waking up. "Morning," he said quietly.

She turned over in his arms. His face was uncertain, like a skittish puppy. Buffy didn't feel very certain herself. Slowly, she lifted her head a pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. His kiss was gentle in return. It was short and sweet. Buffy curled into Spike and laid her head against his chest. He pulled her in close and pressed his cheek against the top of her head.

* * *

><p>"Why do we always have to do everything?" Anya complained as she and Xander trudged across the cemetery. It was shortly after sunset and the both of them kept looking over their shoulders for vampires.<p>

"Because we were home when Giles called," Xander said. "Plus, I have a car and Willow would have to walk." He was anxious to get where they were going and get out. All the talking wasn't helping his paranoia.

"Giles has a car. Why doesn't_ he_ go get Buffy? We're not his personal slaves," Anya said insistently.

"Giles spent all night and day reading musty old books. Be glad he didn't call us to help with that."

Anya sighed. "Fine. Why's Buffy out here anyway?"

"It's the cemetery, Anya. She's the slayer."

"But Willow said to check Spike's crypt."

"He helps sometimes," Xander explained.

"I bet they're boneing."

Xander gave her a disgusted look. "No way. He's _Spike_. There is no way Buffy would ever sink so low as that."

"Do you have something against sleeping with vampires? 'Cause you don't seem to have a problem with ex-demons. I don't see what the big deal is."

"The big deal is that he's Spike. He's killed people. Lots of people. He tried to kill her and her mother and Willow and pretty much everyone in town."

"When I was a demon, I killed people all the time."

"But your not a demon any more."

Anya stopped in her tracks. Xander stopped to look at her. "So, if I were a demon you wouldn't love me anymore? I be a gross lowly creature and you would be _so_ much better than me? Is that it?"

"I didn't mean you Anya!"

"No because I'm all human now so it's perfectly acceptable to have sex with me. Even though I've killed people and I enjoyed it. It wasn't just my job, it was my passion! I made an art out of punishing men for their wrong doing against women and losing my job was the worst thing that ever happened to me, Xander!"

"I'm sorry. I just meant... killing people is bad. It's wrong. If it wasn't for that chip in Spike's head he would slaughter the town. You're not like that. You're better than that."

"Maybe. Let's just go find the slayer." She marched in the direction of Spike's crypt with Xander two steps behind.

The crypt was dark except for the light flickering up from the lower level. "Buffy?" Xander called.

"Evil undead?" He walked slowly toward the dim light unable to see the floor. "Anybody home?"

A shadow crossed the light as Buffy climbed up the ladder and ascended to the ground floor.

"Xander? What are you guys doing here?"

Spike appeared behind her as he climbed up.

"Giles sent us to come find you. He says he knows something about the... you know the _thing_," Xander explained.

"What?" Buffy looked at him confused.

"You know the_ dream thing_," he hinted.

"Oh that. It's not a secret Xander. Spike knows."

"Great! Good for Spike. Giles wanted as back as soon as possible so we should motor."

"I'll grab my coat," Spike said crossing in the room to grab his duster.

"Sorry fangless, but you're not invited," Xander snarked.

"Actually, Xand. Spike's kind of a part of this."

"Perfect. Great. Why not?" He turned and hurried out of the crypt without another word.

Buffy gave Anya a confused look. Anya just rolled her eyes and followed Xander out.

"What's the boy's problem?" Spike asked as he returned, fixing his collar.

"No idea, but We'd better get going. Maybe Giles can fix our heads."

"Gonna take a bit more that a librarian to fix my head, love."

Buffy rolled her eyes.

* * *

><p>Willow was waiting with Giles when the rest of the gang made it inside. They gathered around in the living room and Buffy explained Spike's part in the situation.<p>

"Well, that changes my theory," Giles said. "But I do know what's been happening to you both.

"When you and Angel, erm... when you were in LA that is, that night, there was an astronomical event. The alignment of Earth and its moon with the planet Pluto. There are stories that the name was chosen as this planet actually marks the barrier between the dimensions. Not only this dimension and the underworld, but all dimensions essentially."

"I thought Pluto wasn't a planet anymore," Xander piped up.

"Regardless of Pluto's status, it is never the less a structure with some influence over the behavior of souls. When Angel's soul was striped from his body and forced to move on, the alignment caused an occurrence where all dimensions were temporarily connected. This can cause souls to get lost on their journey from this world to the next."

"So Angel's soul ended up in the wrong dimension?" Buffy asked.

"I believe that his soul was pulled into multiple hell dimensions at once and it's now stuck somewhere in between them."

"But what about me and Spike? Why do we keep having these dreams?"

"My first thought was that a piece of your own soul followed Angel's." Giles rubbed his glasses on his shirt as he continued. "An intimate act can cause the souls to intertwine. Of course knowing Spike is a part of this as well, I have a new theory." He replaced his glasses on his nose.

"When you staked Angelus, how close was Spike to him physically?"

"Pretty close," Buffy said remembering how Angelus had pinned Spike underneath him.

"It seems possible that a piece of Angel's soul remained within Angelus due to the event and that when his body was destroyed, that piece sought a new host and it was torn between Yourself and Spike."

"Are you tellin' me there's a piece of that pouf inside me somewhere?" Spike asked, outraged.

"I do believe so, yes."

"So, what do we do? How do we fix it?" Buffy asked.

Giles shook his head. "That I don't know."

"What if we brought Angel back? Would the pieces of his soul reform?" Willow asked.

"I believe so, but we would have to perform a very dark and very dangerous resurrection ritual. Something far beyond my power or even yours. Such a spell breaks the most important law of nature and requires a massive sacrifice."

"We can't just leave him split between dimensions," Buffy said.

"Not to mention the nightmares," Spike said.

"What if we recall his soul to this dimension?" Willow said. "Just his soul. We wouldn't resurrect him, just pull him out. He'd be left in a kind of stasis for the rest of forever, but he wouldn't be stuck in a million different hells and Buffy could get some sleep."

"That's not a bad idea," Giles said. "but I don't know if it would work."

"We have to try something," Willow insisted.

"Maybe we should all sleep on it," Giles said stifling a yawn. "We'll fare better tomorrow once we've all rested. Buffy you should try to avoid sleeping for now. If the dreams get any stronger, you could wake to worse than a pair of burns."

"I'll see what I can do."

* * *

><p>Everything stopped. The fire was gone. It was all he could think. The fire was gone. There was no pain. It was all gone. There was nothing.<p>

He was laying on his back on something wet and scratchy. There were small lights above him. It was familiar. He knew something about the lights. They weren't like the fire, they were pleasant and beautiful and they didn't hurt him.

There was a pain in his stomach. It wasn't fire. It ached, but it wasn't terrible. It wanted food. He remembered that. Remembered feeding. Not eating, not food, blood. He wanted blood. It was warm and thick and enjoyable.

He slowly climbed to his feet and looked around him. Swings, a merry-go-round, a jungle gym. He knew this. He'd seen it before. He closed his eyes and when he opened them, he saw Drusilla. She stood by the jungle gym. He remembered that. He always liked her in little white dresses. She was always meant to be so innocent. So precious.

He knew where he was, but he couldn't get his thoughts to stop swirling around in his head. When had he seen Drusilla? Where was this play ground? Where was the fire? Was he still in hell?

The last he remembered was Buffy. He'd been with her, but she hadn't been alone. His started to hurt as he thought about it. Not enough energy for thinking. He had to get blood before he collapsed.


	4. Slayer Eyes

**AN: Somehow i uploaded the wrong chaper by mistake, but this is what ch4 was supposed to be. My apologies. **

* * *

><p>Spike had only planned on walking Buffy home. He didn't for a minute imagine she'd actually invite him inside. He thought for sure she'd need a day or two to decide she didn't hate herself for trusting him and maybe she'd stop by once she sorted it all out. He was caught off guard, but it wasn't unpleasant to say the least.<p>

Joyce was already in bed when they came in. They crept quietly up the stairs and into Buffy's room. She shut the door softly behind them and turned to look at Spike in the center of the room.

He looked completely out of place. His bad boy leather jacket and rebellious hair cut just didn't fit with Buffy's lacy white bed spread and boy band posters. It was comical. She would have laughed, if he hadn't been looking at her like that. Liquid heat in his eyes.

She wasn't sure if she wanted to dive in or dump a bucket of cool water on his head. She just hadn't thought about it yet. She hadn't let herself. He saw her hesitance and the bucket of water was completely unnecessary.

"We don't have to you know," he assured her.

She blushed and turned her head away. "I-I know. It's just... I've only... with Angel and Parker... well you know how that went."

He stepped forward and took her face between his hands. He directed her to look at his face. "Buffy. I promise, I won't try to kill you and I won't use you. I couldn't. Not ever."

"You have before, tried to kill me."

Spike shook his head. "That was different. Everything's different now."

"Why? There's nothing stopping you. No chip in your head."

"I love you."

Buffy was momentarily stunned. "You... You love me?"

Spike didn't know what else to say. Three short words and suddenly she held everything he had in the palms of her very strong hands. If his heart were beating it would have pounded its way right of his chest.

"Yes."

In the half second it took for that information to process in her brain; his words, the fear in his eyes, the way he was still holding her head to keep her gaze locked with his, Buffy came to one solid conclusion. Spike had never been more honest with her.

Good thing Joyce had taken a couple of sleeping pills.

* * *

><p>The hunger was still there. The warmth of living beings called to him with each step he took. Thankfully, each step took him farther from their beating hearts and innocent souls. Each step seemed to elevate the pain in his gut. More than once he thought of ending the pain in one swift bite and more than once his soul stood in the way, flashing images of all the death he'd left in his wake.<p>

The mansion loomed up above him promising sanctuary from the growing light. The scamper of tiny clawed feet promised an end to his pain. At least the physical pain.

Once inside the dusty, molding, house, he cleared the place of rats, one at a time. Those that remained in the walls were spared and would remain safe until hunger lured them out to search for food. They weren't fast enough to evade the starving vampire, not yet weakened by malnourishment. His senses were heightened to survive.

The trickle of water distracted him as he fed. It drew his attention to the fountain covered in ivy. He remembered when he'd washed himself clean after being possessed by the ghost of a broken-hearted school teacher. He'd killed so many that night. He'd wanted to wash away the feelings of love and forgiveness and drown it all innocent blood. He'd certainly succeeded. How he loved watching Dru feed on those children. Her innocent hands covered in innocent blood, her face, her dress. He'd reveled in it. Especially when they had sex in the blood that poured out of the dying mother to pool on the floor.

Disgusted, he left the dead rats piled under the sky light. He found his old bedroom, but it was empty. He'd moved all of his things into the crypt. It was all probably still in Angelus's crypt. Most likely Spike's crypt now.

Spike's old bedroom was still there. All white and pristine. What was his obsession with the color? Maybe it was simply in defiance of Angelus's preference for black.

He laid down in his childe's old bed and closed his eyes. It still smelt of him and faintly of Drusilla.

Buffy was all that kept him from leaving. The only reason he hadn't grabbed a cab and high tailed it LA before he could stir up any trouble was Buffy. He knew what she'd done and he wasn't angry. He was concerned. He couldn't imagine what would possess her to do it, but he made finding out top priority.

* * *

><p>The rising sun woke Buffy as it lightened the room. Almost on instinct, she got out of bed and tiptoed to the window to close the curtains as tight as she could. She grabbed Spike's t-shirt off the floor and pulled it over her head. She got back into bed and as Spike wrapped an arm around her and snuggled in close, his head on her chest, it hit her. She had sex with Spike. Right here, in her bed, her childhood bed. Sex. With Spike. <em>Spike<em>.

What was she thinking? Did he even really love her? Did she love him? Did she even really trust him? Her brain was running a mile a minute. Her chaotic panicked thoughts threatened to give her a migraine and she really needed to sort everything out.

So, item number one: did she trust Spike? Spike had her back in a fight. His chip had been out for several weeks and he hadn't made the slightest move on her (to kill her anyway) or her friends. He even had access to both her home and Giles's, but he just kept helping. As far as she knew, he was still drinking butcher shop blood. So, if he was going to kill her, he would have done it already. He took far to much pride in slaying slayers to wait around playing pet vampire if he really wanted her dead. Trust? Check.

Did he love her? He said he did. Not with just his mouth either. The way he looked at her like there was no else in the world sometimes... But he could just be lonely. Harmony had left him around the same time he got chipped from what he'd said and that been a month ago. Maybe he wasn't used to being alone and he didn't know how to deal. But last night when he'd said those words, he was so sincere. He'd looked so vulnerable like a newborn puppy. Yep, he loved her.

Did she love him? She'd have to think on that one. A lot. Her natural reaction to the question was a definite no. But that didn't mean her instincts were right. They'd failed her before. The idea that she might love Spike made her head spin. She'd loved Angel and he'd turned into a soulless monster. She'd loved Riley and he'd been murdered by her soulless ex-boyfriend. Love plus Buffy obviously equaled no good. But Spike was already soulless. He couldn't lose what he didn't have. He was already dead too. Not that he couldn't be more dead. If Angel were around he'd probably stake Spike himself bringing back the possible death by ex-boyfriend scenario. But Angel was gone. Spike was here. She could leave Angel in the past with his memory in her heart and let Spike be her future. It looked like the real question was, would she let herself love Spike?

She looked down at her charred wrists. Just more pain left in reminder of Angel. Spike had done a good job of bruising her up. She couldn't help but compare the marks they'd left. Even Angel had never meant to hurt her. He was partially responsible for what had happened that night. It wasn't completely Buffy's fault they'd ended up naked. Probably. She couldn't remember.

That night, when he'd made the decision to risk his soul for... he knew there would be consequences. He knew she could get hurt. So much pain had come of just one night. It hadn't been worth it. Angel hadn't been worth it. Not the nightmares, not Riley's life, not Giles's sanity, not Spike's suffering. She'd take it all back if she could.

"I can hear the gears turning," Spike said softly. She hadn't noticed when he woke up. "Thinking about me?" His hand trailed down her side to find the hem of the t-shirt. His hand rested lightly on hip, his finger tracing circles in her skin.

"I'm thinking about a lot of things," she said.

"Didn't have any nightmares last night. Did you?"

"Not one."

She could feel him smiling though she couldn't see his face. "Looks like I shagged the hell out of you," he said.

She rolled her eyes. "I guess sex was the answer all along. What I thinking, expecting to find the answer in a book?"

"That's the trouble with you hero types. You never see the obvious. Too busy turning through your books."

"I think I'm seeing just fine."

He turned his head to see her face. "Are you?"

She nodded. "Yeah."

"And what do your slayer eyes see?"

"You. You're different than I thought you were."

"Took you long enough."

She smiled, but the look was gone the second she heard, "Buffy?" called from the bottom of the stairs.

"You don't she heard us last night do you?" Buffy asked.

Spike laughed. "I think the neighbors heard us, pet."

"Oh, God."

Footsteps signaled her mother ascending the stairs. "Buffy?"

"In here, mom!" she called back. "Hide," she hissed at Spike.

He chuckled and disappeared into her closet. He made it inside just before Joyce opened the door.

Joyce smiled at her daughter. "I didn't hear you come in last night. Must have been the sleeping pills. I had some trouble falling asleep."

"It was pretty late when I got in." She pulled the blanket up to her neck realizing 'isn't that one of Spike's t-shirts' was not a question she had answers for. Except, the rest of Spike's clothes. Were they still on the floor? There was no way she could pass those off as her jeans.

Joyce nodded. "Slayer stuff. Wish you weren't always out so late. It's dangerous out there."

"That's sort of the point. My job is danger reduction."

"Well, I'm glad to see you home anyway. I can't really stick around for breakfast. I have to be at the gallery early. We're getting in some new pieces."

"That's okay. I know how the oven works."

"Just don't burn the place down."

"No promises."

Joyce crossed the room. "You should get some sunlight. You're looking pale." She leaned in and kissed Buffy's forehead before finally leaving the room.

Buffy sighed and closed her eyes. Spike chuckled suddenly back in her personal space. He kissed the hinge of her jaw and down her neck.

"She does know you're a grown woman, Buffy."

"I know, but would you wanna walk in on your daughter curled up with a naked vampire?"

"I'd take his head off," he growled.

"Exactly." She noticed he had his jeans on. He must have grabbed them before he went in the closet. Fast thinker. She wasn't that good in the morning.

"So we've got the house to ourselves today." He raised an eyebrow in question.

"Breakfast. Then we have to go see Giles," she said sternly.

"I can't leave the house, the sun's up."

"Never stopped you before."

"I'm not running around with a blanket over my head when I'd rather be right here." He kissed her hoping to end the discussion.

"Fine, we'll stay in. But breakfast comes first, then I'm calling Giles."

"And then?"

"Probably TV."

Spike smirked. "Yeah, we'll watch telly." He kissed her again.

* * *

><p>He stood in the grass, hidden just outside the range of the porch light. The curtains were parted giving a clear view into the living room. Anyone passing by could see the tv screen displaying a recorded Broadway performance staring Dorothy Hamill. Anyone who stepped off the sidewalk and approached the house could see the fair haired couple kissing passionately on the sofa with the movie long forgotten. Would they have smiled at the idea of young love? Or would they feel jealousy roaring to a boil in their guts the way Angel did?<p>

The quickest way to find out what was happening, was to step up to the door and knock. So he did. Thirty seconds later, a disheveled Buffy opened the door with a smile that quickly melted away. Her eyes flashed fear, uncertainty, and excitement.

"Hello, Buffy," said the vampire who looked like Angel and didn't sound like Angelus.

"Angel?" she asked. Spike was suddenly standing behind her.

He hadn't felt his presence from the outside. He should have noticed the appearance of his sire. He certainly noticed him now.

Spike dove past Buffy tackling Angel right off the porch and into the cool grass. They wrestled for the dominant position, punching, kicking, and growling. They might have gone all night if Buffy hadn't ran down the stairs and grabbed Spike by the collar and Angel by the throat. She pushed them apart and held them at arm's length.

"Enough!"

"As if I actually thought you would stay dead this time," Spike growled. "Why the bleeding hell don't you ever stay dead!"

"What have you done to Buffy?" Angel growled back.

Spike smirked. "What haven't I done to Buffy?"

Angel roared and dove at Spike but Buffy shoved him away.

"You're just mad 'cause the heros got the villain and I got the girl," Spike taunted.

"Buffy not a trophy to be won, _boy_."

"No she's better than that. You should have respected her more instead of treating her like child!"

"And you're doing a better job of that?"

"As a matter of fact I am."

"Guys!" Buffy shouted. "Stop it! None of that is important right now."

Spike looked offended. "Are you saying I'm not important? That we, _us_, isn't important?"

"We shared a lot together, Buffy. This is very important," Angel said.

"What is happening?" Buffy asked confused.

"What me and Buffy have is more than you ever could have gave her," Spike said.

"You don't have a soul. How can you even love her?" Angel quipped.

"Bollix, you know good and well vampires can love just fine without a soul."

"Angelus never loved anything. Not even Darla. Not you or Drusilla or anything."

"He loved killing and maiming and torture."

"That's not the same thing."

"Like hell it isn't!"

"What makes you think you could make her happy? You can't take care of her, Spike."

"You know that was always your problem, mate. Buffy doesn't _need_ to be cared for. She's a very capable woman and she's taken care of herself just fine without you. She can decide who loves her and makes her happy all on her own and she doesn't need anyone to do anything for her. It's doing all those things for her anyway that makes it matter. She doesn't need my help, but she can damn well have it anyway because I don't wanna see her go it alone. I want to be there to keep her safe. She's not a pet or a child. She's a woman and you should respect that."

Angel shook his head. "You've been trying to kill her for years. What's stopping you now?"

"I love Buffy. No amount of blood is gonna change that."

Once again, they were on the ground rolling in the grass. Buffy rolled her eyes.

"Angel, you're welcome inside as soon as you're ready to talk." She turned her back and went back inside to finish her movie.


	5. Weakness

Buffy woke up on the couch. Her first thought was wondering why she was alone. Then she remembered, Angel and Spike had fought for the better part of the evening. She'd left them outside and went back to her movie. She'd set the tape to rewind and fell asleep to the soft whirring sound. If they'd ever came inside, they hadn't woke her.

She didn't hear any arguing, which was a very good sign. Hopefully they'd both crashed somewhere. Maybe Angel had found somewhere else to sleep saving her from having to explain his presence when her mother woke up.

She went upstairs to brush her teeth and fix her hair before she went to her bedroom. Spike was sprawled across her bed looking as though he'd purposefully done his best to take up absolutely all of the available space. Angel was on the floor in the same place he'd spent the night before she even known he was a vampire.

They both looked so at peace while simultaneously looking disturbing due to their lack of breathing. She tiptoed through the room to find her clothes. Feeling uncomfortable about changing in a room full of sleeping vampires, she went back to the bathroom to put them on.

After checking to make sure her bedroom door was shut tight, she went back downstairs for coffee. She'd never been the biggest coffee drinker which was applauded by Giles who had once prepared a long list of mostly heath related reasons for slayers not to drink coffee. Given the night she'd had, she could use a cup or two.

Her dead-undead ex-boyfriend had arrived out of the blue to catch her kissing her current possible-boyfriend/ex-nemesis. Cue wackiness. Of course then they had to go and fight over her and it was clearly less about Buffy and more about their own feelings toward each other. Given the sight of them, they'd worked it out enough to be in the same room without fighting, but not enough to share a bed.

She never really thought about the whole one bed in Angelus's crypt thing. Unless Spike had spent all his time sleeping on the floor, the two of them had shared a bed. Somehow that felt weird. Weirder than dating a vampire and thereby kissing a dead person. Maybe that was just acceptable sire/childe sleeping arrangements. She's shared a bed with her mother more than once and not just when she was younger. When they went on trips they often ended up sharing a bed at motels. Not that they'd gone anywhere in several years. But with vampires, it never seemed to Buffy like a parental thing. It was more like a mentor thing. Wouldn't that be more like sharing a bed with Giles? That was uncomfortable. She didn't want to think about that ever again.

The coffee helped. It was warm and relaxing. She closed her eyes and leaned against the counter. Angel arrived suddenly in the doorway. He probably thought he was being stealthy, but she had always known when he was near.

"Buffy," Angel said softly.

"I hope you got all the fighting out of your system. I'm not really feeling up to it," Buffy told him without opening her eyes.

"What are you doing?"

"Enjoying my warm beverage."

"I meant with Spike."

"Yeah, I know. It's not your business."

"It kind of is."

She finally looked at him. "Why? Because we dated? Because you're jealous? Even though you're the one who decided we couldn't make it work and moved to LA just to get away from me."

"Because you're no good for each other."

"What's that supposed to mean?" She'd just wanted to enjoy her coffee and this is what she'd gotten instead. She sighed and put the cup down.

"I mean... Spike is a killer. He's never gonna change. The first time you fight, he'll go right back to the way he was. He'll hurt you. He's not safe. He doesn't have a soul to hold him back."

"I can protect myself." Hadn't Spike said that last night? Was he really so stubborn?

"You're not good for Spike either. He made that pretty obvious last night when he attacked me for standing on your porch. Not to mention, he didn't even notice me standing on the front lawn. He should have heard me coming a mile off. You're going to get him killed."

"Now you're all concerned for Spike's well-being? I thought he was a soulless monster."

"He is, but he's family. I don't want him killing people, but I don't want him being killed either. Not that I'd stop you if it became necessary."

"So, it's okay if I stake Spike but it's not okay if Spike is killed? I just wanna make sure I understand."

Angel rolled his eyes. "All I'm saying is, you make him weak. In the end, he'll kill you or someone else will kill him."

"Maybe I'd kill him. Isn't that an option?"

"No. I don't think you could."

"I've staked him before."

"Then you got attached. Or whatever it is that's held you back this long. Three years ago, you would have staked him on the spot. Now, he's one of the gang."

Buffy shook her head. "He's helping. He doesn't kill anymore."

"He could if he wanted to."

"So could I. I could go out and slaughter the town if I wanted to. Spike isn't like you, Angel. You need a soul to tell you what's wrong. Spike doesn't. He _knows_ right from wrong. He _knows _that he could kill if he wanted to and he _knows_ that there are better ways to live. He doesn't need a soul."

"I hope you're right."

"I know I am."

"You don't know Spike like I do," Angel insisted.

"He's different now."

"Because he drinks bagged blood and holds you at night?" Angel shook his head. "Spike was turned a child. He goes through these phases and eventually he'll get bored playing the anti-hero. Just like he got tired of his railroad spikes phase and his sappy romantic phase and his rock band groupie phase. This will pass too and he'll move on to something more exciting."

Buffy's confidence wavered and she wondered if Angel was right. Maybe this was a passing crush and Spike would get tired and move on to something different.

"Maybe, but for now he is a hero and nothing you say is going to change my mind."

"I'm sorry."

"No you're not."

Angel shook his head. "Sorry that I couldn't save you this time."

"The way I see it, you need saving more often than I do."

He smiled. "Guess I do."

"How'd you get back?"

He shrugged. "How do I ever come back from the dead? Usually some unseen mystical force with big plans."

Buffy nodded. "Somebody who wants you to do all the work for them."

"That's the way it goes. Why make a new champion when you can recycle the old ones? They'll turn up eventually expecting me to be all grateful I'm sure."

"Aren't you?"

"Well, I was in hell."

"Several hells in fact."

"What?"

Buffy sat down at the counter with her coffee. Angel sat next to her. "After we took care of Angelus, I started having these nightmares. Really intense ones. sometimes I saw you in hell. I sometimes it was like I _was _you. I was seeing through your eyes and I could _feel_ everything." She showed him her wrists. The marks had faded but were still somewhat visible.

He held her hands delicately, looking over her wrists. "What happened?"

Buffy shrugged. "The dreams. They started to get more and more intense and then after a particularly nasty one, I woke up with burns around my wrists."

"I'm sorry."

"Not your fault. Giles said it was because part of your soul was torn and it was left clinging to Angelus. When we staked him, it sort of transplanted into me and Spike."

"Did Spike have the dreams too?"

"Exactly the same. Only he has scars on his back. Like he was beaten."

Angel's brooding face reached his highest degree. "This is all my fault."

Buffy shook her head. "Angel, how can it be your fault?"

"Because of what happened. In LA."

"What did happen in LA?"

"You don't remember."

"I remember we argued and I remember going home. I don't remember much else."

"Angelus, did a memory spell before you left." He finally dropped her hands and wouldn't look at her. "When you got there, you were furious. We both said the worst things we could think of. Things got a little physical. I think it was only natural that we ended up wresting on the floor. We kissed and then..."

"I get the picture."

"Twice."

"Right, got it."

"So about the dreams?"

"Giles said there was a planetary alignment. Your soul got split into multiple hell dimensions. Willow suggested we summon your soul and keep it in a jar."

"Better than me hurting you."

"And Spike."

"You just keep bringing it back to him don't you." Angel sighed.

"You keep trying to forget about him," Buffy countered.

"I'd like to."

"I thought he was family."

Angel laughed softly. "Don't you ever get tired of your family?"

Buffy smiled. "Yeah I guess so."

Spike strode drowsily into the kitchen. His blond hair was tousled from sleep and his clothes were wrinkled where he'd slept in them.

"Talkin' about me?" he asked.

"Only about what a pest you are," Angel said.

"I prefer 'menace'. I smelled coffee."

"It's in the pot," Buffy offered.

Spike poured a cup and stirred in half the sugar bowl before he gulped down half his drink.

"How was the floor?" he asked Angel.

Angel rolled his eyes. "How's your arm?"

Spike flipped him off as he sipped on his coffee.

"Your arm?" Buffy asked Spike. He shrugged and rolled his eyes.

"I nearly tore it off before I got him to calm down," Angel explain.

"Least I wasn't the one with tears in my eyes." Spike smirked.

"You punched me in the throat!"

"Guys! My mother is asleep upstairs. Keep it down," Buffy interrupted.

"Sorry," Angel said.

"Any chance Joyce keeps blood in the pantry? I'm starved," Spike said.

"Sorry. We don't normally host vampires."

"It's gonna be a long day," Spike said looking out the sunny window.

* * *

><p>Tara clutched her books to her chest. She'd spent the day in Willow's dorm researching mystical anomalies caused by astronomical events. Tara wasn't as into mental challenges as Willow, but Tara <em>was<em> into Willow so it all worked out. She smiled thinking about Willow's excitement as they'd researched. Each new idea seemed to brighten her whole day. Willow seemed to like knowledge like most people like chocolate.

She was half way to her dorm when she got a chill up her spine. She looked over her shoulder, but saw only empty sidewalk. She turned back around and picked up the pace. Almost there. Just a few more steps and she'd be in the lobby.

She heard a roar behind her and something large came just a little too close. She instinctively ducked and sprinted for the building. It roared again as it chanced after her. She didn't dare to look back until she'd locked the door behind her.

The thing was seven feet tall and covered in brown fur. It could have been a bear except for its long arms and red eyes. It stopped in front of the door considering her through the glass. It backed up a few steps and she prayed it was leaving to find another target. Then it surged forward and barreled right through the door. The crash only hindered it for a second before it was chasing Tara down the hall.

She tripped on the hem of her long skirt and her books skittered across the hall. The thing pounced. Its long claws gashed open her left arm. Its heavy body put too much pressure on her legs.

She had just enough breath to stutter out a spell that was _just_ strong enough to knock the thing off of her. She picked herself up and ran to the janitor's closet.

The blood poured out of her arm too quickly. Dizzily, she found a pile of clean rags and tied one tightly around her arm before she passed out.


	6. Love Drunk pt1

Her heart was broken. That much she was certain of. Everything else was confusing. She didn't understand why he would do something like this. Why he would give up everything they'd worked so hard for. The life they'd built; the love, the trust, the respect. He'd thrown it all away like it meant nothing. All for one night with some Texan girl he'd met in a bar. She wasn't even that pretty. She really wasn't. At least that's what Gina kept telling herself. It made her feel better somehow, but only a little bit.

He'd been lured in by those hazel eyes and mile long legs. Her long brown hair all but calling his name. But it wasn't her fault. Gina wouldn't blame the woman. Being a woman herself, she knew how men behaved. They see the thing they want and they just have to have it. Or her. Even if they're committed to another woman. Even if it's wrong. Then, just to add insult to injury, they lie. They tell you they got drunk and passed out in a friend's basement after a football game. They tell you they're sorry and next time they'll be more careful. They make it up to you with a night out. Then, two weeks later, after he'd forgotten that the Texan had put her number in his phone, you find it there.

He's says it's nothing. She's a work friend. But then you call her. You're not normally jealous, but hey, he was acting pretty suspicious. That's why Gina did what she did. That's why she went down to the local tourist trap. At least that's what she'd called it before. She hadn't believed in magic until now. Why would she waste money on lies and cheap tricks? But with all the pain and confusion, the old shop keeper convinced her to purchase the strange green idol. He said it had powers that would punish the man who had wronged her. Then she'd started crying. The man had shouted then, told her to stop before … before what she hadn't found out. How was she to know tears were the way to activate the idol?

She'd nearly dropped it as dark smoke poured from the mouth of the idol. It solidified, forming a towering green skinned creature. It smiled at her, then it disappeared. Mr. Bogarty, had begged her to leave before running into the back of the shop. Gina took her idol and quickly left the shop. She was shaken up by what she'd seen, but no longer had any doubts that the totem she clutched to her chest would be the undoing of her ex.

* * *

><p>Willow raced through the hospital to the front desk. The far to slow receptionist pointed her in the right direction and she was off again. She ran down the hall to find the right room number.<p>

"Tara!" she yelled throwing the door open.

"Willow," Tara said with a smile.

Tara laid in a hospital bed, covered up in a thin white blanket. Her left arm was in a sling and heavily bandaged, but otherwise she looked fine. She even smiled radiantly at the sight of her girlfriend.

"Tara," Willow said with a sigh feeling suddenly calmer.

She walked into the room and stood beside the bed. Tara smiled up at her.

"I told you I was fine, sweetie. It needed a couple stitches and I'm not supposed to use my arm for a while, but I'm fine," Tara assured her.

"What happened?" Willow asked sitting down in the chair beside the bed.

"Big ugly. Really tall and brown and pretty hairy. Kinda like a bear, but with red eyes. It came out of nowhere. I ran for my dorm, but it chased after me. I hid in a broom closet and my RA found me a while later and called an ambulance. I didn't wake up until eight o'clock this morning. Blood loss knocked me out pretty bad."

"You could have been killed," Willow said looking troubled.

"I keep telling myself that. Did it get anyone else? Have you seen the news?"

Willow shook her head. "I was about to head to class when I got your call. I didn't have time"

"You should call Mr. Giles. Someone's gotta stop this thing before someone gets hurt."

Willow smiled affectionately. "She gets attacked by a monster and all she cares about is the innocent and unaware citizens."

Tara smiled. Willow gave her a soft kiss. "I'll go call Giles. Make sure he knows about this."

"You don't have to stay either. You should go to class," Tara said.

"You sure? 'Cause I can get notes from classmates."

"It's fine."

"I just don't want you to be alone through this." Willow said with a heavy frown.

"The doctor's gonna let me go soon anyway, but I'll be waiting for you in my dorm and I'm expecting you as soon as class is over," Tara said with a playfully stern expression.

Willow smiled. "Okay. I'll see you then."

* * *

><p>They day before had gone surprisingly well. Spike and Angel had ignored each other most of the day throwing a few comments around when necessary. Buffy hid the both of them in the basement as soon as Angel alerted her that Joyce had gotten out of the bed. Her mother gave her an odd look when she noticed the second coffee cup on the counter, but she kept her thoughts to herself as she worked to put her daughter's recent behavior together.<p>

Joyce finally left for work and Buffy scurried down to the basement where she expected to find a display of testosterone and vampiric aggression, but both vampires were calm. They sat on opposite sides of the room. Angel sat on the floor leaning against the wall. His eyes were closed and he was either lost in thought or had been concentrating on listening to the conversation upstairs. Spike sat on top of a box, containing some long forgotten possessions of Buffy's, smoking a cigarette.

Angel tried to convince her to go school. He said they'd be fine alone, but she didn't buy it. Spike didn't comment, but Buffy suspected he was looking for an opportunity to rip Angel's throat out. So, she stayed home.

Both vampires followed her around the house as she tidied up her bedroom and washed her laundry. There seemed to be some sort of competition on who could invade more of Buffy's personal space until Buffy finally had enough and banished all vampires to the living room. When Buffy heard the flick of a lighter two minutes later, she ran into the room and confiscated Spike's cigarettes not wanting her mother to smell the smoke. Angel had looked deeply amused and Spike had snapped at him the second Buffy left the room.

After looking after the bratty, hungry, personal space invading vampires, Buffy was exhausted. By the time the sun took pity on her and disappeared from the sky, she was ready to drop. She sent both vampires out the back as Joyce came in the front with the impeccable timing that all parents seem to acquire.

The sun was back in the sky now and Buffy wasn't certain where those boys had run off to. She strode across the cemetery hoping to find them in Spike's crypt. By the sounds coming from within, she wouldn't be disappointed. She sighed and pushed open the door.

"_I'm_ jealous?" Spike scoffed. "What do I have to be jealous of? You've got nothing you great pouf."

"You'll never have what me and Buffy do. Never!" Angel shouted back.

"You don't know what you're talking about. Buffy's mine!" Spike clocked Angel hard in the jaw and they both changed faces.

"Whoa! Hey!" Buffy yelled running to get between them. She held her hands out keeping them from each other. "This is enough! I've had it. I decide who I do or don't date and no overly masculine display is gonna change my mind."

"He says our love isn't real!" Spike shouted at her.

"He says he loves you more than I do!" Angel told her.

"You guys this is ridiculous," Buffy said.

"You love me don't you Buffy?" Spike asked, his face back in its human facade. His demeanor became something softer and more fragile.

Angel seemed to follow Spike's mood. "What we have is forever. Right Buffy?" Angel asked softly.

"What the hell has gotten into you two?"

Spike collapsed at her feet and clung to her leg. "I should have written you poetry. That would show you. Then you'd know I love you more than anything else." He nodded with childlike certainty.

"I could sing you a song," Angel offered. "Do you like Barry Manilow?"

Buffy looked back and forth between them unable to figure out just what was happening. They didn't seem to be drunk. Maybe this was some kind of vampire thing.

"Golden hair, hazel eyes. I could fly, were that you mine," Spike recited.

"If you're looking for the dream you dreamed of," Angel sang softly and off key. "Open your eyes."

Buffy pulled free of Spike's grasp. "Okay. This is a bit weird even in my line of work."

"Were that you mine, I would feel as bright as the sun," Spike continued.

"If you're looking for the one and only, in your life oh darling," Angel sang.

"You guys just sit tight. I'm gonna go find a doctor." Buffy back away a few steps before running out the door and into the safety of the day light. She closed her eyes and leaned against the door for a moment. "Please let them be sick."

She considered going to Giles for help, but how would she explain it? My dead ex boy friend and current boy friend that I've been avoiding telling you about are having some sort of breakdown over their love for me, didn't really sound like the right thing to say. Thankfully, Buffy had a best friend.

Willow, being a straight-A student even in college, was not in her dorm when Buffy ran through the door. Buffy hunted down the copy of her friend's schedule left for her for exactly this sort of purpose. She found the building where Willow's current class was and parked herself on the bench nearest the door.

Twenty minutes later, young adults came pouring from the building. One of which had red hair and a thoughtful look on her face. Buffy ran over to her and drew her from her thoughts.

"Buffy! What are you doing here?"

"Something weird is going on," Buffy told her.

"Oh boy. It's one thing on top of the next today isn't it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well this morning Tara called me from the hospital. She got attacked by some kind of monster. Then, one of my morning classes got canceled on account of the professor's body being found in the faculty parking lot with its heart all torn out."

"His heart was missing?"

"It was _ripped from his chest_ or so I've heard. The rumor mill isn't the most reliable source. I figured Giles would have you all over this by now."

"Actually, I haven't talked to him since that last scooby meeting," Buffy confessed.

"You and Spike were supposed to get back with him about your nightmares. I thought I was just out of the loop. You should have gone to talk to him. We were really making progress," Willow told her with concern.

"I sort of found a solution on my own," Buffy said looking guilty.

"Uh oh. Do I wanna know?"

"I've gotta tell you one way or another. It involves the current weirdness."

"Shouldn't you go to Giles first? I mean he _is_ your Watcher."

Buffy shook her head. "I'd like to keep this from him. At least until it's all sorted out."

"I promised Tara I'd meet her in her dorm. I don't think she's doing as well as she says, but maybe that's just worried girlfriend thinking." She perked up with a smiled. "I have a girlfriend."

Buffy smiled. "I'll walk with you. I can tell you on the way and then you don't have to miss out on your visit."

"Thanks, Buff."

"So... me and Spike sort of... kissed," Buffy started.

"What? Seriously? I mean I know he's really into you but I didn't think- I mean I wasn't sure- I mean how was it? What was it like? I mean it's Spike that's gotta be like- wow, ya know?" Willow said excitedly.

Buffy smiled nervously. "It was pretty wow. It was also several weeks ago. The first one anyway."

"If there's a first one does that mean there's a-?"

"Second. Yeah. And a third and fourth and," Buffy sighed. "We also kind of... slept together."

"You mean like?"

"I mean like."

"Whoa."

"Big whoa. You don't think I'm crazy do you?"

Willow shook her head. "I don't think you're crazy. This isn't the weirdness you meant though was it."

"I haven't gotten to the weirdest part yet." Buffy stopped walking and turned to face her. "Angel's alive."

Willow blinked, staring at uncertainly. "Angel."

"Angel."

"How is that possible?"

"It happened before."

"And it was some big bad evil that tried to drive him insane before. What is it this time?"

"It hasn't showed yet." Buffy's eyes widened. "Unless this is it."

"What's it?"

"This morning, I went down to Spike's crypt and Angel was there and they were acting really weird."

"Weird how?"

"Angel was singing."

"Singing," Willow said with confusion.

"And Spike wrote me a poem."

"Spike," she said with yet more confusion.

"Exactly."

"Wow."

"Yeah. They were arguing about who loved me more and then all of a sudden they went all... _Barry Manilow_."

"He sang Barry Manilow?" Buffy nodded. "Wow. And you think it's to do with this monster?"

"I didn't know what to think, but you said something attacked Tara. It doesn't seem likely that too monsters were both on campus last night attacking people and I don't see why it wouldn't be related to the weirdness. Has anyone else been acting strange?"

Willow shrugged. "Honestly, Buffy, I haven't thought about much other than Tara all day. Her arm's broken and she was unconscious for hours. If she hadn't been found and taken to a hospital I don't think she'd be alive right now."

Buffy nodded, understanding. "You go check on Tara. I'm gonna hang around campus and see if anything catches my eye. Can you do some research while you're there? See if anything related comes up on the net?"

"Sure."

"I'll call in a few hours. Try and look up the monster that attacked Tara, too. See if we can figure this thing out before anyone else gets hurt."

"And you don't want me to call Giles?"

"Not yet. I don't wanna have to explain about Angel."

"Okay, but if we can't find it on our own, I don't think you'll have much of a choice."

"I know. So, we'll just have to do our best."

They reached Tara's dorm to find the front entry covered in broken class. The hole in the door criss-crossed with police tape. They ducked under the tape carefully avoiding the broken edges of the door and stepped inside. Buffy investigated the crime scene, but found nothing other than glass and blood that was presumably Tara's. She left the building to investigate the campus.

* * *

><p>"Don't you love me?" Xander asked pitifully.<p>

"I only asked if you wanted to go out for lunch. Don't be so dramatic," Anya told him.

"I need you Anya! I love you. Promise you won't go," He clung desperately to her side.

"Okay okay. We'll order pizza. I was just hoping for something with less carbs. We can't survive on take out forever, Xander."

"But we can. We can survive forever, I know it. Our love is forever."

Anya pushed him off of her. "What's this all about?"

"I love you. Didn't you hear me?"

"We've said it before, Xander. We're in love. It's not a revelation."

"You're my everything, Anya. I'm nothing without you."

"Okay," Anya said, uncertain but flattered. "I'm just gonna go call the pizza place."

"Don't leave me!" he said clinging to her once more.

"You can come with me. I'm just getting up to get the phone."

"Oh."

He let her up off the couch, but held her hand the whole way as she found the phone sitting on the dryer.

"Something is seriously wrong with you, Harris. Not that I don't enjoy the attention, but you're acting different."

"Are you mad at me? Please don't be mad," Xander said, eyes wide with desperation.

"I'm not _mad_." She shook her head and dialed the number on the phone.

"I should buy you more stuff. Nice stuff! Like jewelry. You like jewelry don't you, Ahn?"

"Yes, I like jewelry. Now be quiet while order."

Xander wrapped his arms around her waist and laid his head against her chest. Anya thought maybe she should call Buffy next, but clingy, cuddly Xander didn't necessarily mean he was possessed or anything did it?

* * *

><p>"Rupert!" Joyce said as she answered the door. "This is unexpected. Is something wrong? Did something happen to Buffy?"<p>

"No, no. Nothing like that. I do wish to talk to you though."

"Well come in." Joyce stepped aside to let him through. "Coffee? I just made some."

"Yes, thank you."

Giles shrugged off his coat and Joyce hung up from the coat rack on by the door. He followed her into the kitchen and sat on the end stool. "Thank you," he said taking the cup she offered him. "I don't mean to bother you on your day off."

"It's no bother." Joyce shook her head. "I rarely get company. I haven't even seen Willow or Xander in a while."

"I imagine that gets very lonely."

"It does." Joyce smiled. "We're in something of the same boat though aren't we. I don't imagine you see many people other than Buffy and her friends."

"Quite right. We should keep each other company more often."

"Is there something you wanted to tell me?"

"Tell you? Yes... I uh-" he paused to take off his glasses and cleaned them off as he continued. "I was hoping you might like to have dinner with me."

"Are you... are you asking me on a date?"

"Well... well yes actually. I am."

"I see." Joyce set her coffee down thinking it over. "How about you stay for dinner tonight? It'll be just us most likely. I never know when Buffy will be in. She's always off on her own business that girl."

"I would like that." Giles smiled.

"Great. Do you like Italian? I was thinking pasta and garlic bread. Manicotti maybe?"

"That sounds delightful."

* * *

><p>*Song- We'll Keep Each Other Warm, by Barry Manilow (and I claim no rights for it)<p>

*Terrible poem- Something Spike Would Totally Write, by Me


End file.
